We all have defining moments in our lives, mine seem to be triggered by music. I gave a child up for adoption when I was 24 years old and that was the beginning of the amazing life I live today, but not before I went a little irresponsibly crazy first. I'll save that story for another day but that cognition out of the dark was triggered by Don Henley's Heart of the Matter. It would be many years later that I would be forever changed by a broken heart and then Toby Keith's Cry'n For Me. Here is that story as I penned it for a college creative writing class in 2011.
Living in the Light of Love
My pause came when months passed and I was still sobbing. It was as if it were the first day he was gone. Even now, while I recount my loss, I weep.
With every loss comes a lesson. If not a lesson, an opportunity to grow. Why? Why? Why? As I mourned my loss, I cried why? In my darkest hour I learned about the light of love.
Real love. The kind of love that changes your life. Love that makes you feel like you are all you ever need to be when it’s good, and the anguish of pain so grave when it’s bad. I learned about the light of love.
I wasn’t infatuated or experiencing self-serving love born out of need, but true, unconditional love – and then an unpredictable loss. My bereavement was like drowning in a raging river while gasping for any breath of air I could seize. All while furious that the rest of the world went on, smiling, laughing, living. Why? Why? Why?
A performer sang an acoustic song. A good-bye song, the kind that makes you cry when you are not grieving. It was through my tears that it all came very clear, love doesn’t’ care. Yes! Love doesn’t care.
Love doesn't care? I thought love was caring and it is, but love doesn't care if you are black or white, love doesn't care if you are young or old, love doesn't care if you are two women or two men. Love doesn’t care.
The light of love doesn’t judge who you love and who loves you back. Until I lost, I didn’t understand love. Love doesn't care what your ethnicity is, how much money you make or don’t make. Love is just love and it’s beautiful just the way it is. And ultimately love doesn’t care if you are a girl and a dog living in the light of love.
|Kathy and Riley 2009|