Sunday, January 10, 2016

Expectations...Yeah, I Got 'Em!

If I've heard it once, I've heard it a million times, "Kathy, you can't have expectations of others, if you do, you are responsible for the disappointment that will inevitably come" What? This has never made sense to me. Why is it bad to have expectations of others and why is it on me when they flake? If I understand what has been explained to me, I give more than most people. I take my commitments seriously and if I say I will do something, I do it. Not everybody operates like I do. Because I know how I will handle a commitment, it only stands to reason I would expect those I am dealing with to behave the same way, especially when we agree that we will follow through with our commitments. Not so much. People don't do what they say they will do, and they don't show up when they say they will...and people are okay with that. "Lighten up!" they tell me. "Don't be so serious all the time." is another excuse I've heard. It baffles me.

Here's how I see it, if you and I are in an relationship, be it friends, lovers, or work, we have an understanding of what that relationship is and how we are participating in it. Yes, I said we have an agreement. I know this because I am a bit of an over-communicator, I like to know where I stand with people. If you say you will do something or be somewhere at a specific time, I believe you. I will expect you to do it or be there on time. If you don't, well, then I have a decision to make. I either decide to keep you in my circle but know I can't rely on you to keep your word, or we just politely go our separate ways. I need to know that I can count on the people in my life, and doing what you say you will do exhibits respect, it's really tough to have a relationship without respect, don't you agree? See what I did right there? I asked you if you agree with me. When you don't keep an appointment with me or show up on time, you might as well just tell me, "Kathy, your time is not that important to me. I know you did what you had to do to be on time, but I didn't and you can just wait for me, or maybe we can reschedule?" No. We can't.

If I can't expect you to show up and keep your word, I don't think we are a good fit to be in a relationship. It may just be me, but I have amazing people in my life and I know many of them feel the same way I do, so let's just suffice it to say, I do expect you to do what you say you will and show up when you say you will show up. You can expect the same from me, and we can live happily ever after.

*This isn't to say that sometimes things that are out of our control come up and delay us, that's different than the person who is always late or just has a loosey-goosey attitude about being on time.

1 comment:

David Lorell said...

Yes, yes, and yes, dammit! Phew!