Wednesday, October 28, 2009

When There's Loss

Many of you know that I lost my beloved Riley last weekend. Riley was not just our family pet, he was my closest companion. Closer than Dave and Mason if you count the physical contact we made every day. If I was home, he was with me; at my feet in the kitchen, on my lap on the couch, within arms reach sitting at my desk, or sleeping in my legs or spooning with me in bed at night. He even slept on my new pillow before I did! Please don't misunderstand, I am acutely aware how fortunate I am to have Dave and Mason safe and sound, I just don't know how I would cope if I were to lose either of them. Nonetheless, Riley was a bright light in my life, one of the brightest I have ever known. That light is dimmed right now with my grief and sadness. I didn't know my body could produce this many tears and this kind of heart break. Any break up with a man in my past doesn't hold a candle to the way I feel today.

The up-side is this; I would rather have seven years of pure joy with Riley than a lifetime of nothing special. If this heart break and pain is the price I have to pay for the seven years Riley loved me, and was there for me to love, I'll take it. Having Riley in my life and my heart has changed who I am and makes me a better person.

When there's loss, the only thing I know how to do is feel what I feel. I mostly feel heart broken. I'm crying in waves as the emotions overtake me and I know there will be a hole in my heart for a very long time, maybe until the day I die. You can't pretend you don't hurt, and not crying when you need to, is never the right thing to do. I believe the pain will subside and I will be able to remember the happy times with Riley without realizing the pain that comes with knowing he is not here anymore. Until then, Intentional Winning when there's loss is all about authenticity. Feel what you feel, let it be, and get through. There is no around, under, over...just through. I will get through this, with Dave and we will have another puppy to love. When we do, you'll be the first to know!


LisaLisa said...

I'm so sorry for your loss! As a animal lover myself I do understand the hurt and pain you are enduring! Blessings to you and your family this day and remember Riley will always be in your heart!

sally229 said...

Big Hugs to you and your family Kathy.
I know the heartache you are feeling.
I'm so deeply sorry for all of you.