Monday, May 5, 2008

I am mom. I am tired.

When Dave is away I don't sleep as well as I do when he is next to me. Last night I didn't fall asleep until 3 Am and then it was not really sleep, more like toss and turn, roll and fluff. So you know I'm tired because not sleeping is all I can talk about now that it seems sleep just might be a reality.

Mason on the other hand sleeps just fine. It doesn't matter if I'm in Vietnam or Dave is in Arkansas. This tells me that he is secure and well adjusted, and that makes me happy.

Now that I've covered the tired part, here is the "I am mom" part. Today I have not been a very good mom. I have been short, snippy, and completely impatient. I have such a clear understanding of the phrase "This hurts me way more than it can ever hurt you." I love my sweet and strong-willed little boy with all my heart, and when I am short with him, and even a little mean in my intolerance, my heart just breaks. It breaks because he's only 4 and I'm 41. I should know better how to keep my cool and remain loving no matter what. Every mom I know has told me "We've all been there."

In the end I did the only thing I know how to do, I told him I was sorry I was short with him and that I love him more than anything in the whole world. He laughed and said he loved me, too. He quickly added "But mama, but mama, I love Riley (our dog) just a little bit more than I love you. Can we go get ice cream?" Okay Mason, that's A-okay!

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