Fewer Tears, Sadness Still

I struggle with writing today as I'm still so sad. I'm crying less but just because the tears aren't falling doesn't mean I'm done grieving.

Here's why I'm struggling; I don't want to be writing about my heart break and sadness incessantly, it's so personal and though you all love me, you're not feeling the loss like I am. I can hear you all telling me it's okay, that you understand, but do you really want to keep reading how sad I feel? I don't think so.

The flip side is that I am real, and that means real in joy and in grief. Many of you have commented over the years about how I paint my life picture so rosy and there's a hint of can it really be that good all the time? in your voice. My answer is, "Yes, it really is that good." Sure, I see the bright side so I don't always acknowledge the hiccups and when I do, I make light of them. I decided to write this because I am real, and I'm really soaked with sadness right now. I'm still crying, my chin quivers when I talk, my voice all but disappears when someone asks me how I am, and I miss biting my Riley every morning. I can't help but think this would be easier if he were 15 years old and his time had come. 7 was just too young.

With all that said, life is made up of so many things, one of them being sadness. The cutting, uncontrollable emotions will get easier and the good will soon outweigh the sadness. Bear with me while I get through this. With love.

How Do You Motivate Somebody?

The truth is, you can only motivate someone who wants to be motivated. I'm told on a daily basis that I make a difference in people's lives, and that I inspire people to take action. I love that! I now know that my mission in life to use my ability to communicate and my bright outlook on life to motivate people to make their lives better.

I've met people who simply love to be in my company, but have no desire to do a single thing different in their lives. One person in particular stands out in my memory. A woman called me with a really serious issue. I listened to her tale, felt like I was being sympathetic, and gently offered up a solution. She didn't like that, she had three problems with my one solution. we talked a little more and again, I offered up an idea. No, not that one either. This went on for more than a 1/2 hour. At one point I asked her if what she wanted was for me to just listen or did she want help solving this problem. She assured me that she definitely wanted an answer, and that she appreciated my willingness to help. We went like this a little longer, I'd offer a solution and she would offer 3-5 problems with my solution. She didn't want to resolve this issue at all, she just wanted to spend time being cared for by me. She was caring for her "baby" (I call these problems with no solutions someones baby. They just want to keep it and care for it.) and wanted me to care for her.

It took me a long time to recognize that what makes some people happy is being unhappy. That's a choice but it's not my choice. Unfortunately, people like this don't make good company for those of us taking action, making things happen, and living a happy life. In fact, in my experience, these kinds of people draw from my energy source limiting my ability to motivate those of you who really want to be lifted up and cheered on. In the end, you can't move someone forward who is happy right where they are. My suggestion is to move on and continue to be happy where you are and where you're going, because I know you are on your way to somewhere really wonderful!

America Is Alive And Well - By Guest Writer Jay Kliewer

America is alive and well. I was awakened last night from a late nap, approximately 8:00 PM, by a helicopter flying overhead in a large circular pattern and repeatedly saying something. After six passes and with the help of my roommate, I finally made out the message, “There is a 3 year old child missing wearing a green shirt with red and white stripes. He is wearing a diaper and his name is Daniel.”

What I saw as I came out to the front yard and as I walked down my road was the most incredible thing. People had come out of their houses and were walking, running, driving, and I even saw one guy on roller skates looking for Daniel. Moms with young kids, families, teenagers, and single people were all looking for Daniel.

So why were we out there? Honestly . . . I was out there because if I could help those parents look for Daniel then that is what I wanted to do. I know that if that had been a three year old Jhasamin or Jeremiah, I would want other people looking for them. I also think I wanted to partake in something larger. Be a part of something bigger than myself. I didn’t want to sit home when I was needed and there was something I could give. Maybe in a strange way I also wanted to be seen, as if to say, "Look at me, I am helping too."

By 8:40 pm just as abruptly as it started the helicopter made two big circles and said, “Thank you for your help. The child has been found.”

Recently I had an opportunity to take a four man delegation of Nigerian FEMA leaders around to various organizations in the Sacramento and San Francisco areas to show them how Californians respond to disasters. They said their overall problem in Nigeria with regards to disasters is APATHY. What an awesome thought to know that America is not a Country of Apathy. And just like our fore fathers, those many years ago, whom were willing to make a difference with their fellow man to fight for independence, that same spirit still flows through our veins today as we came together to look for a child that no one knew. Daniel’s parents will never know that a 40 year old man got up from his nap and spent a half hour looking for their child.

As Vincent, one of the Nigerian delegates was being dropped off at the San Francisco Airport he told me that people in Nigeria were praying for America. Well Vincent your prayers are being heard and thank you.

God has Blessed the USA with the men, women, and children who live here!

Happily Married

As you all know by now, Dave and I are very happily married. I know several other couples that are also very happy and they express their affection openly and abundantly. I asked Dave if he thought we were happy because we tell each other how we feel, and generally focus on being so.

We agreed that being happy is a choice. There are certainly things about each other that are mildly annoying, but it just seems that those things come along with a really great package, thus making them insignificant.

Here again, is evidence that those things you choose to focus on, grow. We focus on the things about each other that we first loved, learned about later and loved, and still have to find out about and expect to love. What about you? What do you choose to focus on in your marriage? I wish for you love and happiness!

"I'm A Yes Man!" - Guest Writer Amie Chilson

On my 32nd birthday I found myself stuck on the JFK tarmac for two extra hours due to a weather delay, en route to Madrid. After playing the, “It’s my birthday” card with the flight attendants, scoring a few free mini bottles of wine, I sat back and started the solo movie marathon on my way over the Atlantic: it was “Yes Man” starring Jim Carrey.

If you haven’t seen it yet…go rent it today! Through its silliness and moments of expected Jim Carey hilarity, the underlying message struck a chord with me. Carey plays a middle-aged, loan officer who leads an unextraordinary life and is accustomed to saying “no” to everything. He’s begun to alienate friends, never moves ahead in his career, and has developed a bad habit of closing himself off to life and all its opportunities. After attending a self-help seminar where attendees make a covenant to say “Yes” to everything…and anything, his life begins to transform in amazing and unexpected ways.

At face value, this flick is a predictably fun, brand of 90-minute, Jim Carey comedy. (And anyone who knows me knows I shy away from the Hollywood drool of endless, formulaic films!) Yet, I chose to watch the film 2.5 times and laughed like an idiot throughout–but why? Because I am “Yes Man” and have recently built my lifestyle around this value system.

2008 was a tough year for me in several ways; I buried two grandmothers, closed both my companies down, and nearly went bankrupt. I retreated into my metaphorical cave and shut down to most of the world. At the end of the year I vowed to make 2009 incredible and milk the most out of every day, while being open to the universe and all it had to offer. I created a “101 Things To Do in 2009” list, naming items as simple as: sampling more international cheeses, indulging in a house cleaner, and reading the Declaration of Independence, to more loftier goals such as visiting Thailand, completing my scuba certification and hiking the Grand Canyon. (The list was easier to develop than I thought…which means subconsciously lurking were all these things I’ve always wanted to experience, learn, and try!) Never again did I want to waste a year, and look back regretfully to say, “Damn, I didn’t do any of the things I wanted to accomplish! Where did the year go? And how utterly unremarkable it was…”

Since I made that covenant with myself at the end of 2008, my life has been purely magical! I recently took my husband on a wonderful month-long vacation to Spain where most of our lodging across the country was free; I’ve been invited to vacation in Fiji , Mexico , and India to study with a renowned Guru. Business opportunities have flooded my gates, I’ve met many new people and made wonderful friends, I find myself in great health and training for one of the hardest Triathlons nationwide, and I live each day with such zest and fascination. Sometimes it feels as if I’ve lived 3 days to the actual 1. As for the 101 List of To Do Items… I’ve been happily knocking them down by the dozens, and even created an ancillary 101 List!

What I’ve learned about myself during this 6-month experiment of saying “Yes to Life” is when I embrace being ‘open’, I expect something good to happen every time and it does. Being authentically ‘open’ also has forced me to become more empathic, less selfish, and more compassionate to others. It’s removed the ability to go through life ‘half-ass’ which is an easy to rut to fall into. We become busy, get comfortable, and even ease into laziness. (I know I did!) The good news is it is simple to pull ourselves out of the “No” coma. It’s as easy as saying “Yes” to little things, like smiling back at a stranger, answering an Unknown Caller ID phone call, or meeting your inbox of Evites with hopefulness vs. impatience.

In the movie, “Yes Man”, Carey changes his life in a matter of weeks and welcomes many new life experiences, people, and opportunities. In addition to falling in love, he gets promoted in his career, reconnects with his friends and inspires many different individuals. His unremarkable life has radically transformed, and he is a happier man for it. Carey also learns there is such a thing as ‘balance’ to strike in life with being constantly open to life and opportunities.

And that balance is important to keep in mind, as agreeing to all things is unreasonable and potentially dangerous. As I find myself mentally and verbally saying, “Yes” to most opportunities that flow my way, I still exercise instinct, fiscal prudence and my own version of life harmony. I will ignore the invite to pierce my nipples, not join a cult, and not invest all my money in what resembles a Ponzi scheme.

What I will do, is wake up tomorrow morning and breathe in the delicious moment of NOW, and energetically say “Yes” to what life has to offer me because I know it will be fantastic! I suggest you try it: who knows, the next “Yes” you say could lead to meeting the person of your dreams, making a new best friend, drop the next incredible business opportunity in your lap, or inspire your biggest idea ever.

Be a “Yes Man” with me.

http://myexistentialmusings.wordpress.com

Much Gratitude,
Amie Chilson

Isn't Time The Best?

Last week was a roller coaster of emotions. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice it to say, I was exhausted by the time the weekend rolled around.

I take comfort knowing that a little bit of time will set my thinking right, take me out of my emotion filled angst, and let me get back to my faith that, everything is as it is suppose to be. I really do believe that, and I've come to be able to recognize what it is I need to learn from a difficult experience in a relatively short period of time. I also trust that as tough as things may get, in the big picture (long time), much of our day-to-day lives is not going to hold much weight in five years.

I won't go as far as to say that I believe time heals all wounds, but it sure provides a nice cushion from the pain, and reminds us that a new day is just that, new. Let go of the old and create today. You get to choose your thoughts, and your thoughts create your actions. Go, choose wisely and make today great!

Yesterday Was Really Bad!

Laughing! Maybe I shouldn't have posted about being grateful when life gets tough! Did I attract that? I'm laughing because I finished crying and can now see that it really wasn't all that bad.

I can honestly say that even though I was in the troughs of despair....little melodrama...I was still able to be grateful that it wasn't worse. And even better, I was able to check with a friend who is battling cancer and if that doesn't put a crummy day in perspective, nothing will.

I am so very grateful for all that I have. I even went as far as to putting an e-mail out to my work associates offering my consulting services at a discounted rate to their clients. I really want to help in these tough times, so why not let the world know. This is just another way that I practice gratitude. How do you show your gratitude and put it into action when times get tough?

Can You Be Grateful When Life Is Really Bad?

Times are really tough right now for many of us. I know my family is not exempt from tight finances, things breaking, and difficult life circumstances in general. No matter what happens, I've found a solid space of gratitude.

Yesterday, while cleaning my very old stove top, it blew up. Literally! Fiery sparks, a puff of white smoke, and a pop! I don't have the money to replace it, but I won't take the chance that this is a fire waiting to happen. As soon as this happened, I found myself uttering, "Thank goodness it didn't catch on fire."

Can you practice gratitude when you are at your lowest? I hope so. The reality is, no matter how bad things get, they can always get worse. I learned a long time ago to never, ever challenge the universe with the words, "It can't get worse than this." I believe as long as I'm dressed in my right mind, no matter what circumstances present themselves, I can do something to better my condition. I usually start with acknowledging and accepting where I am. I try to learn if the lesson is obvious and then I look at what I can do, and I start.

That's my way. What's yours? Can you be grateful when life gets really bad?

Do You Dread Monday?

Are you one of those people who hates to see the new week begin? Not me! I love Monday! Not only do I love the opportunities that come with the new work week, but I love the structure of the weekdays.

Even though I don't go into an office, all the people I work with are doing exactly what I'm doing. We may not be in the same room, building, or even the same state, we're all working together; connecting via e-mail and telephone. Mason is in school and Dave is at his office. We all know where we need to be and what we need to be doing, and it feels good.

If you really really feel a deep disdain for the start of a new work week, maybe you need to ask yourself what you could be doing that you would look forward to. Dave doesn't love his work, but he loves his family, and the job he does provides for us. I look forward to the new week because what I'm doing is moving us one step closer to our dreams of working together in all of our philanthropic goals.

Yes, the new week takes the vehicle out of park and gets us back on the road to success. If you'd rather sit in the parking lot, than think about what you're attracting with a heavy sigh and dread of Monday. Is it what you really want your new week to shape up to be? Whatever you think, you're right!

For All Your Best Intentions

Have you ever worked really hard to make something happen only to find, it didn't go at all the way you planned? I have!

When this kind of thing has happened to me, It's made me really mad! I looked around and thought, what the heck? It's not until later that I realized that the way things turned out was exactly what I needed. Not necessarily what I'd envisioned or planned, but the best possible outcome.

If you can accept that you can only control so much, you can then see that every "not so great" turnout usually holds the door open for something far better. Next time you can't figure out how you landed where you are, turn around and look for the opportunity that is likely smiling a great big "WELCOME" your way!

I Set A Mantra This Week

You all know I'm a firm believer in getting back what you put out. This week I have made my mantra, "How can I help you?" I've been learning a lot about social media and spending some time on facebook and twitter (@kdpartak) and I have to say, I've met some really wonderful people.

My intention for investigating this medium was to see how I could promote my gloves, my blogs, and my self as a writer. Here's what's come to me. I've met several really great ladies with whom I've spent many a late evening on the phone. One of these ladies knows the president of a large retailer and she is not only willing, but excited to take him a pair of our ZipperBack Gloves for consideration (www.zipperbackgloves.com). Another of these wonderful women is the neighbor of a large grocery chain and she's planning to take a sample box of twist caps (www.buytwistcaps.com e-mail me to buy!) to introduce me. My new friend Tania added polish and pizazz to my sell sheet to send to above mentioned president. I've also connected with the editor of a military magazine and a mom who writes a successful blog who I may be guest writing for in the near future.

This sounds like there's so much that's come my way, what have I given to receive all this love? I don't think I've given enough if anything at all, but it seems the women I've become friends with will disagree. I've been told that I've inspired, enlightened, and in a few cases, really helped them work through a tough situation. Is that enough? Only the parties involved can answer that, but for me, I want to do more. How can I help you?

What Do You See?

Literally and figuratively, what do you see when you look at your future? Are you looking to your future or are you simply coping with today? Using the power of intention starts with changing the way you see your life right now, this very minute.

You absolutely have to change the way you think about circumstances, pending actions, and your past. It's impossible to attract the life you want to lead if you are still fretting about the past, the way things are now, and all the nonsense you have to deal with tomorrow. I feel heavier just writing the words! You are in charge of what you think. You get to choose to let go of past disappointments, and you can allow yourself to see your life in a whole new light. This change can happen in an instant, literally, a split second.

You're likely asking how you can let go of hurt you feel from a past betrayal, or how you can be excited when you know you haven't paid your property taxes and know you have to answer for that. My answer to you is that all the terrible things that happened in the past are done. It's like continually trying to drink a glass of water that you already finished. Choose to let it go. Answering for your unpaid taxes is the right thing to do. It doesn't matter that you still can't pay. Initiating a conversation is taking responsibility and that will make you feel great. Feeling great changes your physical vibration, and making that single change will send a positive message out, thus attracting a positive energy return.

The more you practice taking action (responsibility), the more you'll find yourself feeling good, and the more you feel good, the more good will come to you. The more you live this cycle, the easier it will be to see a prosperous, happy future. See? Easy!

The Law Of Attraction Defined

Wikipedia says, "The phrase Law of Attraction, although used widely by new thought writers, has a variety of definitions. Turn-of-the-century references conceptualized the law of attraction as relating to physical structure and to how matter develops. A more modern consensus among new thought thinkers is that the Law of Attraction says people's thoughts (both conscious and unconscious) dictate the reality of their lives, whether or not they're aware of it. Essentially "if you really want something and truly believe it's possible, you'll get it", but putting a lot of attention and thought onto something you don't want means you'll probably get that too."

It's only fair to share the other side as well. Wikipedia goes on to say, "Since many of the claims of the law of attraction appear impossible without violating established scientific principles and our understanding of the universe, it has received criticism from the scientific community. Physicist Ali Alousi, for instance, criticized it as unmeasurable (and therefore unscientific) as well as questioning the likelihood that thoughts can affect anything outside the head. The Associated Press is also quoted as saying that "some medical professionals suggest it could even lead to a blame-the-victim mentality and actually be dangerous to those suffering from serious illness or mental disorders."

This is a very basic definition and those of us who believe the law of attraction is alive and well, know there is so much more to it. Intentional Winning, (LOA plays a mjor part in IW) starts first with taking responsibility for your condition, for better and for worse. You got you where you are, and I believe you can get yourself wherever you want to be!

You know, it's not airy-fairy, think it to be it, it's so much more. It's about first knowing what you want, finding a first step in that direction, taking that step, taking that step, taking that step! Yes, I know I wrote that three times, just as you will take that step three times, four times, ten times, a million times. Taking a step is taking action. When you take action, you move mountains. Resources become visible, people who are living where you want to be, will suddenly be in your life, the question then becomes, are you seeing what's now visible? Are you speaking with these "new" people, or smiling with a nod and moving on? When you determine what you want and start to become aware of how much opportunity is all around you, and then take the steps, you'll see that the law of attraction is alive, well and available to you!

We have started this journey, I'm so glad you're here!