Music Holds the Key

We all have defining moments in our lives, mine seem to be triggered by music. I gave a child up for adoption when I was 24 years old and that was the beginning of the amazing life I live today, but not before I went a little irresponsibly crazy first. I'll save that story for another day but that cognition out of the dark was triggered by Don Henley's Heart of the Matter.  It would be many years later that I would be forever changed by a broken heart and then Toby Keith's Cry'n For Me. Here is that story as I penned it for a college creative writing class in 2011. 

Living in the Light of Love

My pause came when months passed and I was still sobbing. It was as if it were the first day he was gone.  Even now, while I recount my loss, I weep.

With every loss comes a lesson. If not a lesson, an opportunity to grow. Why? Why? Why? As I mourned my loss, I cried why? In my darkest hour I learned about the light of love.

Real love. The kind of love that changes your life. Love that makes you feel like you are all you ever need to be when it’s good, and the anguish of pain so grave when it’s bad. I learned about the light of love.

I wasn’t infatuated or experiencing self-serving love born out of need, but true, unconditional love – and then an unpredictable loss. My bereavement was like drowning in a raging river while gasping for any breath of air I could seize. All while furious that the rest of the world went on, smiling, laughing, living. Why? Why? Why?

A performer sang an acoustic song. A good-bye song, the kind that makes you cry when you are not grieving. It was through my tears that it all came very clear, love doesn’t’ care. Yes! Love doesn’t care. 

Love doesn't care? I thought love was caring and it is, but love doesn't care if you are black or white, love doesn't care if you are young or old, love doesn't care if you are two women or two men. Love doesn’t care.

The light of love doesn’t judge who you love and who loves you back. Until I lost, I didn’t understand love. Love doesn't care what your ethnicity is, how much money you make or don’t make. Love is just love and it’s beautiful just the way it is. And ultimately love doesn’t care if you are a girl and a dog living in the light of love.

Kathy and Riley 2009

I Wrote and Published a Book

Did you know that? It started back in 2000 and I even started the first draft. I got busy and changed computers a number of times so I lost track of it. In 2007 I found it and I finished it in 2008. I don't think I printed it until January of 2009, but I finished it and printed it. I sold maybe 100 copies, but I'm proud to say I completed it.

Creative and Memorable Ways to Keep in Touch - yep, a little paperback gift book about and old school way of touching people. There are 52 ideas ranging from sending a Christmas card in July, creating themed gift boxes to mail, to being a secret pal for no real reason at all. Certainly, we keep in touch and share news on social media, but this is a much more personal way to touch people and stay connected.

Here is the first paragraph in the intro of the book:

This was started in 2000, and here we are 15 years later longing for a more personal connection more than ever. Do you have plans to try to do more to personally connect with your loved ones? I may republish my CMWTKIT blog, but not right away, I'm more interested in keeping my resolution to write every day in 2016. Unless of course there was a major public outcry for this fun little gift book. Big smiles!

So Which Is It?

This has been an interesting few weeks with the now decided presidential election and the aftermath of Superstorm Sandy. Politics certainly bring out the worst in people but look what Superstorm Sandy brought out...complete love.

This had me shaking my head as I read posts on Facebook about how same-sex couples should not be able to marry because it is not "natural," arguments about how pregnancies conceived from a heinous act such as rape is a "gift from God," and even more from both sides about how our country will fall to pieces if the other side wins the presidential election. Here is where, for me, the truth is; as Superstorm Sandy devastated the east coast, people rushed to help other people. I did not see or hear about one report of a rescue that included a conversation about, "Are you gay? Because if you are, I don't believe that is natural and I don't want to help you." Can you imagine a world where a Soldier suggests that s/he will only help someone in distress if they vote the same party line? How about, "Hey you, are you voting yes on 37? If so, grab the rope!"

This may seem like an extreme and silly example, but think about it, it could be argued that the victims of Katrina were not rescued soon enough because of their socioeconomic status. The fact of the matter is, we are all people who want the same things; we want our kids to flourish with the best educations, we want our elderly to be warm and fed, we want our national defense to be strong and in place, and we want Americans to have jobs, homes, and secure lives. Ask yourself this, if you won't qualify another person's personal/political beliefs in a moment of crisis, than why can't it be okay to let them be who they are otherwise? If you don't like the direction this country is going, get involved and work within the system to make a change, if you don't like the system, work to change that. So many talking heads want to natter and complain about the current state of affairs, but they do not want to take action to make it better.

Be the change you want to see and with that, see the good in people and more of your good will shine through!

Photo: RiverLights Originals

Orange Road: Join A Coed Sports Team

There is a sport for everyone! Get involved in doing something you enjoy and meet new people while you're doing it. I've played softball, bowled on a team in a fun league, and snow skied with a group.


There is something for everyone from joining a walking group to extreme sports such as base jumping. Doing something you love to do and meeting other people who like to do it, too sets you up for win-win situation. To me, this is obvious but that may not be true for you. Break out of your comfort zone and position yourself to be the new kid on the team. Let someone take you under their wing and introduce you to the regulars. It can certainly make you feel vulnerable, but isn't that a good thing when you are looking for love? Love is vulnerable. I don't expect you will fall in love with the first person you meet, but I am proposing that you allow yourself to be vulnerable in a non-intimate relationship in preparation for a more intimate relationship in your (hopefully near) future.


This Orange Road is good for your health and your heart; both literally and metaphorically!

Host A Singles Party

I just think this is a fabulous idea and every single person who wants to meet other single people could do this. Plan a singles party, invite all your friends and ask them to each bring a single friend. If you have friends who are part of a couple, they need to each bring a single friend. Can you see how much fun this could be? If you know ten people, that's ten new, single people you could be meeting.



Plan a simple cocktail party or do something more elaborate - it's up to you! If you don't live somewhere that would facilitate a party, maybe one of your friends will host the party for you. Heck, make it super simple and have the party in a restaurant bar or even in a local park. You are only limited by your imagination so get to it, host the party where you will meet the love of your life!

Orange Road: Visualization Of Your Love

I am a firm believer in the law of attraction. I saw The Secret and frankly, I thought something was missing; action! Since IWIL is all about taking action, I decided to share with you what I liked a lot about the film; the suggestion that you create a vision board or some other visual for you to view every day of the life you want to create.

Artist and good friend of mine Brenda Boles did just that for a client looking for love!

Brenda painted the visual idea her client had for herself in love, the painting titled Amore. You can see the painting here and as you can tell, it's both specific yet open. I think the art itself is not only a spectacular example of Brenda's work, but also an equally wonderful example of a woman taking action to put her longing for real love in her home in such a beautiful way.

You can learn more about Brenda at www.BrendaBolesArt.com and follow her blog here.

*Please note that all of Brenda's work is copyrighted and use without her sole permission is prohibited.

Orange Road: Happy Hour!

Go to a local happy hour - make dinner of happy hour appetizers and if you don't drink, have a soda, coffee, iced tea or water. The point is to get out, meet new people and have fun! This is a great way to unwind after work, enjoy a little something to eat (some places provide enough to make a full meal!), and meet new people. Check out a few different places to see where people go and most importantly, find a place where you feel comfortable.

I used to love to go to a local Mexican restaurant with one of my girlfriends after work. In the summer months, the fruity margaritas were the drink specials and the happy hours goodies were delicious. We could easily spend an hour and a half to two hours and not spend more than $8.00!

It doesn't matter if you have a half hour or two hours, get out with some friends and mingle, it's low pressure and fun!

Orange Road: Community Service Day

I love this idea! Single or not, plan a day of community service. It could be to help some elderly folks with projects around their homes, or cleaning up an area that needs some love. Work with your local Chamber of Commerce to get the business community involved and post the details on all your social media sites. Take it a step further and call your local news stations, ask them to help you get the word out and I bet you will get lots of helping-hands!

If you've been following IWIL for any amount of time, you know that I base my initial thoughts on volunteering and education. Heading up a volunteer project like this will do so many things; you will meet many new people, you will be giving of yourself, you will be enhancing the lives of the people benefiting from the project, and did I say you will be meeting new people - lots of new people? I know I did, I just wanted to emphasize that particular point. This is one Orange Road that will be worth the trip paying dividends far beyond what meets the eye!

Orange Road: Volunteer At Summer Camp

I like this idea but I know it's not for every one. Summer camps are not only fun for the young people who get to go, they can be a great place to take a vacation as an adult. Okay, this won't be the vacation where you get to lay around and read for a week, but if you like to keep busy, teach, and play, this just might be your golden ticket!

Not only do summer camps offer you the opportunity to make a difference in a young person's life (that's pretty cool all by itself!), but it also positions you to meet new people and spend a week or two getting to know them. I went to a couple of summer camps as a pre-teen and the adults that were there were wonderful role models even if only in my life for a week or two.

Think about this for next summer. Look up summer camps in your area and find out what you need to do to be a camp counselor, or even just play a supporting role in the kitchen or administrative capacity. There are sleep-away summer camps in addition to day and weekend camps on a smaller scale. You can find camps with a religious focus along with many other specific topics. If you love young people, this is a great way to give back and possibly meet someone who wants to make a difference like you do!

Orange Road: Business Networking

Whatever it is you do for a living, get out and network in social situations. Social media sites like Facebook and Twitter provide for meetings and TweetUps for professionals to get together and mingle and network. This is a great opportunity to do business if you want, possibly meet someone special, and make new friends. If you work in a job that you wouldn't normally network or develop business, go anyway, it's a great way to learn about other opportunities and it may make you more appealing to talk to as you won't be selling anything!

I personally love networking events. I've been to restaurants, hotels, personal (beautiful I might add) homes, and even at the zoo! The zoo was especially fun! Use the new forms of connecting with people to do just that, connect with people!

Opportunity Knocks!

Whether you realize it or not, you have opportunities to connect with people every day. You also may be overlooking the love of your life. My thoughts, from an Intentional Winning perspective, are that if you are tuned into who you want to be with, you will not only attract that person to you, but you will have people who fit that bill around you often. When you pay attention and purposefully put your best foot forward, you will see who is emanating that same energy.


Make the most of your opportunities no matter what comes up. If you are introduced to someone by a mutual friend or find yourself in a friendly chat in the line at the grocery store, get present and tune into what's happening. Don't be afraid to ask someone new if they want to grab a coffee or talk again soon. If you're told no, smile and move on. I bet if you're being your happy self, the answers will be yes more than they will be no. Ultimately, it's not a matter of if this person is the love of your life, what matters is that you have fun discovering who they are. Oh, and keep in mind, this person may not be the one, but it's quite possible you will meet more new people through this date, even if it's just one!

Finding Mr/s Right!

I've been thinking about this topic for the last few months and hesitated to use it because it seems to me there are all the classic ways to meet people, and if you're single, you know what they are. But as I have given this much thought, I believe I can show you some ways to think differently about meeting someone special, after all, that is what Intentional Winning in Life, and Love is all about!


For the month of June I will be sharing my ideas for how you can meet more people, have more fun, and hopefully find someone to share your life with. This is an audience participation exercise friends, tell me your stories and share your ideas. If you meet someone special as a direct result of tuning in to Intentional Winning, let me know. I love success stories.

Love is full of Orange Roads like accepting an invitation so your friend doesn't have to go alone, or landing in a class that is not what you thought you signed up for (but ended up loving). Let's see if we can find more than our usual posts for this month, maybe four a week instead of three. This is going to be fun and I hope you will not only comment on my posts but also invite your friends to join us, too!

Kathy's Curls Of Wisdom

Wouldn't the world be a better place if instead of just making love, we put more effort into making love last? With family, friends, lovers, coworkers - make love last!

Happy Birthday To Me!

Yep, it's my birthday and can I just tell you, I am loving getting older! I feel like I have so much more to offer the world and I feel better offering it. I'm loving my life and all that it entails; the good, the bad but especially the mundane. I love dinnertime, sitting in the hot tub under the stars, going for a run with Dave, Spencer on his leash and Mason on his bike, and watching the news in bed. From my very core I believe that our lives are made richer and more worth living by having people to love and share the day to day activities with. Thank you for loving me and being interested in my life. Big 44th year smiles and love to every one of you! Kathy !

Kathy's "Curls Of Wisdom"

Of all the things I've learned, the most important is that people matter. Every single person I encounter makes an imprint on my very being. Thank you for being one of the people who make me who I am today!

Funny Little Story About Gratitude

Talking about Mason and a very busy holiday weekend:

So after a hot bath, teeth brushed and jammies on, I was putting Mason to bed - he was crying. He told me he didn't know why he was crying but he just couldn't stop. I tucked him in and was kissing him while explaining that we've all had a very full and busy weekend. I went on to say that sometimes you just need a release, a good cry to decompress. Just as I said that Mason farted. I didn't miss a beat and said, "Sometimes you release pressure through tears from your eyes or a fart from your bottom, you just have to let it out." He laughed...and cried (but laughed a little more) while I turned out his light and closed his door. I heard him softly say, "Good night mama, I love you." So much to be grateful for, everyday I have Mason, I have so much to be grateful for.

Time With Mason

Mason is growing up so fast. I can remember him toddling, oohing, and drooling. Now he only drools when he sleeps.

Kindergarten is going really well, a far cry from last year. I keep looking at him and seeing all these big boy qualities, like his legs are getting really strong and not so skinny. And he has really intelligent questions and answers. Just when I start to adjust to this little boy who is less little and more boy, he does something really silly like pretend he is Riley (the dog) and wants me to throw a toy for him to fetch. It's in those moments when I realize I can't be so busy that I let these moments pass us by. It won't matter if I miss 30 minutes of trade show preparation, but Mason will remember those 30 minutes I played with him pretending he was my dog.

I know the days of offered kisses, wanting me to fall asleep with him in his bed, and him thinking I know the answers to everything are fleeting. Heck, once the thinking I know everything days are gone, they are gone forever. It's now that I need to listen and value his opinions. I want to share good lessons of manners, values, right & wrong, and kindness while he's still impressionable enough to consider that these things are not only a good way of life, but the only way of life. I have no doubt we will have our challenges while Mason grows up, but I will know that I spent time, stayed plugged in, and truly did my best to be not just a good mom, but a great mom!

Can You Not Worry?

I'm not typically a worrier, but I do find myself in situations where I'm genuinely worried. Most notably, it's been in the areas of personal finance or relationships. Do you worry?

My mom is a worry-wart in the truest sense of the word. It used to drive me crazy that she would worry about EVERYTHING! Now that I'm grown up with all of life's responsibilities, I understand her worry. However, even though I understand it, I find that worry is just more exhausting than either dealing with my issue, or letting it be what it will be. Can you not worry?

One of the things that works for me is distraction. When I'm finding that I'm focusing on something that's uncertain and upsetting, I put my mind to something else, something mindless or enjoyable. In fact, the best distraction for anything that's troubling me is to spend time with Mason. Mason reminds me that I have so much to be grateful for and as long as I have my happy, healthy family, I have all I need. No worries!

How Do You Motivate Somebody?

The truth is, you can only motivate someone who wants to be motivated. I'm told on a daily basis that I make a difference in people's lives, and that I inspire people to take action. I love that! I now know that my mission in life to use my ability to communicate and my bright outlook on life to motivate people to make their lives better.

I've met people who simply love to be in my company, but have no desire to do a single thing different in their lives. One person in particular stands out in my memory. A woman called me with a really serious issue. I listened to her tale, felt like I was being sympathetic, and gently offered up a solution. She didn't like that, she had three problems with my one solution. we talked a little more and again, I offered up an idea. No, not that one either. This went on for more than a 1/2 hour. At one point I asked her if what she wanted was for me to just listen or did she want help solving this problem. She assured me that she definitely wanted an answer, and that she appreciated my willingness to help. We went like this a little longer, I'd offer a solution and she would offer 3-5 problems with my solution. She didn't want to resolve this issue at all, she just wanted to spend time being cared for by me. She was caring for her "baby" (I call these problems with no solutions someones baby. They just want to keep it and care for it.) and wanted me to care for her.

It took me a long time to recognize that what makes some people happy is being unhappy. That's a choice but it's not my choice. Unfortunately, people like this don't make good company for those of us taking action, making things happen, and living a happy life. In fact, in my experience, these kinds of people draw from my energy source limiting my ability to motivate those of you who really want to be lifted up and cheered on. In the end, you can't move someone forward who is happy right where they are. My suggestion is to move on and continue to be happy where you are and where you're going, because I know you are on your way to somewhere really wonderful!

Compliments

Do you have a difficult time accepting a compliment? Most people do. As I've gotten a little older, I'm better at graciously accepting the praise of others for one reason; I know how good it feels when I give it.

I realized that when I discount someone who genuinely wants me to know they like or appreciate something about me, I'm in essence telling them I don't think what they have to say is real or valuable. My insecurity, or that little voice that says, "Oh, no. My hair is a mess" is just that, MY insecurity. It has nothing at all to do with the kindness of the other person and may not be based in truth at all.

Next time someone pays you a compliment, pay them one right back and simply say, "Thank you." You will feel good, they will feel good, and this world will be a better place! Smiling!