It Starts With You!

Let me start this topic by saying I'm not a expert and I certainly don't have all the answers. I am sharing with you what I know and what I believe are good ways to position yourself to meet a great guy or gal. My only qualifications are that I spent years in my 20s and 30s going on fun, crazy, bad, and hilarious dates and I've been happily (extremely I might add!) married for ten years. With that said, I believe finding a great catch starts with being a great catch.

For you to be a great catch, you've got to be happy with yourself and where you are in your life. This doesn't mean that you have to be exactly where you want to be, but it does mean that you need to be happy with where you are on your journey. When you are happy, you are able to be in the moment wherever you are, being in a place of light and joy. If you can step back from your frustration of being the "single one" and embrace that you are with friends having a good time, you will be more apt to find yourself meeting new people. When I was single, I got to the point that I was happy where I was, really enjoying my time no matter what I was doing, but I still wasn't open to all possibilities, I was sizing guys up based on what they looked like, what they did for a living, and so on - more on this in my next post. For today, find happiness in where you are and if you still have work to do, focus on that, focus on you.

While you're on your way to the relationship of your dreams, find joy in you and your life now. Accept invitations to go out, talk to people in common places, and put yourself in a position to get to know people. I have lots of ideas and can't wait to dig in! It starts with you, to find a great catch, you've got to be a great catch and I know you are!

Can You Not Worry?

I'm not typically a worrier, but I do find myself in situations where I'm genuinely worried. Most notably, it's been in the areas of personal finance or relationships. Do you worry?

My mom is a worry-wart in the truest sense of the word. It used to drive me crazy that she would worry about EVERYTHING! Now that I'm grown up with all of life's responsibilities, I understand her worry. However, even though I understand it, I find that worry is just more exhausting than either dealing with my issue, or letting it be what it will be. Can you not worry?

One of the things that works for me is distraction. When I'm finding that I'm focusing on something that's uncertain and upsetting, I put my mind to something else, something mindless or enjoyable. In fact, the best distraction for anything that's troubling me is to spend time with Mason. Mason reminds me that I have so much to be grateful for and as long as I have my happy, healthy family, I have all I need. No worries!

How Do You Motivate Somebody?

The truth is, you can only motivate someone who wants to be motivated. I'm told on a daily basis that I make a difference in people's lives, and that I inspire people to take action. I love that! I now know that my mission in life to use my ability to communicate and my bright outlook on life to motivate people to make their lives better.

I've met people who simply love to be in my company, but have no desire to do a single thing different in their lives. One person in particular stands out in my memory. A woman called me with a really serious issue. I listened to her tale, felt like I was being sympathetic, and gently offered up a solution. She didn't like that, she had three problems with my one solution. we talked a little more and again, I offered up an idea. No, not that one either. This went on for more than a 1/2 hour. At one point I asked her if what she wanted was for me to just listen or did she want help solving this problem. She assured me that she definitely wanted an answer, and that she appreciated my willingness to help. We went like this a little longer, I'd offer a solution and she would offer 3-5 problems with my solution. She didn't want to resolve this issue at all, she just wanted to spend time being cared for by me. She was caring for her "baby" (I call these problems with no solutions someones baby. They just want to keep it and care for it.) and wanted me to care for her.

It took me a long time to recognize that what makes some people happy is being unhappy. That's a choice but it's not my choice. Unfortunately, people like this don't make good company for those of us taking action, making things happen, and living a happy life. In fact, in my experience, these kinds of people draw from my energy source limiting my ability to motivate those of you who really want to be lifted up and cheered on. In the end, you can't move someone forward who is happy right where they are. My suggestion is to move on and continue to be happy where you are and where you're going, because I know you are on your way to somewhere really wonderful!

Compliments

Do you have a difficult time accepting a compliment? Most people do. As I've gotten a little older, I'm better at graciously accepting the praise of others for one reason; I know how good it feels when I give it.

I realized that when I discount someone who genuinely wants me to know they like or appreciate something about me, I'm in essence telling them I don't think what they have to say is real or valuable. My insecurity, or that little voice that says, "Oh, no. My hair is a mess" is just that, MY insecurity. It has nothing at all to do with the kindness of the other person and may not be based in truth at all.

Next time someone pays you a compliment, pay them one right back and simply say, "Thank you." You will feel good, they will feel good, and this world will be a better place! Smiling!

"I'm A Yes Man!" - Guest Writer Amie Chilson

On my 32nd birthday I found myself stuck on the JFK tarmac for two extra hours due to a weather delay, en route to Madrid. After playing the, “It’s my birthday” card with the flight attendants, scoring a few free mini bottles of wine, I sat back and started the solo movie marathon on my way over the Atlantic: it was “Yes Man” starring Jim Carrey.

If you haven’t seen it yet…go rent it today! Through its silliness and moments of expected Jim Carey hilarity, the underlying message struck a chord with me. Carey plays a middle-aged, loan officer who leads an unextraordinary life and is accustomed to saying “no” to everything. He’s begun to alienate friends, never moves ahead in his career, and has developed a bad habit of closing himself off to life and all its opportunities. After attending a self-help seminar where attendees make a covenant to say “Yes” to everything…and anything, his life begins to transform in amazing and unexpected ways.

At face value, this flick is a predictably fun, brand of 90-minute, Jim Carey comedy. (And anyone who knows me knows I shy away from the Hollywood drool of endless, formulaic films!) Yet, I chose to watch the film 2.5 times and laughed like an idiot throughout–but why? Because I am “Yes Man” and have recently built my lifestyle around this value system.

2008 was a tough year for me in several ways; I buried two grandmothers, closed both my companies down, and nearly went bankrupt. I retreated into my metaphorical cave and shut down to most of the world. At the end of the year I vowed to make 2009 incredible and milk the most out of every day, while being open to the universe and all it had to offer. I created a “101 Things To Do in 2009” list, naming items as simple as: sampling more international cheeses, indulging in a house cleaner, and reading the Declaration of Independence, to more loftier goals such as visiting Thailand, completing my scuba certification and hiking the Grand Canyon. (The list was easier to develop than I thought…which means subconsciously lurking were all these things I’ve always wanted to experience, learn, and try!) Never again did I want to waste a year, and look back regretfully to say, “Damn, I didn’t do any of the things I wanted to accomplish! Where did the year go? And how utterly unremarkable it was…”

Since I made that covenant with myself at the end of 2008, my life has been purely magical! I recently took my husband on a wonderful month-long vacation to Spain where most of our lodging across the country was free; I’ve been invited to vacation in Fiji , Mexico , and India to study with a renowned Guru. Business opportunities have flooded my gates, I’ve met many new people and made wonderful friends, I find myself in great health and training for one of the hardest Triathlons nationwide, and I live each day with such zest and fascination. Sometimes it feels as if I’ve lived 3 days to the actual 1. As for the 101 List of To Do Items… I’ve been happily knocking them down by the dozens, and even created an ancillary 101 List!

What I’ve learned about myself during this 6-month experiment of saying “Yes to Life” is when I embrace being ‘open’, I expect something good to happen every time and it does. Being authentically ‘open’ also has forced me to become more empathic, less selfish, and more compassionate to others. It’s removed the ability to go through life ‘half-ass’ which is an easy to rut to fall into. We become busy, get comfortable, and even ease into laziness. (I know I did!) The good news is it is simple to pull ourselves out of the “No” coma. It’s as easy as saying “Yes” to little things, like smiling back at a stranger, answering an Unknown Caller ID phone call, or meeting your inbox of Evites with hopefulness vs. impatience.

In the movie, “Yes Man”, Carey changes his life in a matter of weeks and welcomes many new life experiences, people, and opportunities. In addition to falling in love, he gets promoted in his career, reconnects with his friends and inspires many different individuals. His unremarkable life has radically transformed, and he is a happier man for it. Carey also learns there is such a thing as ‘balance’ to strike in life with being constantly open to life and opportunities.

And that balance is important to keep in mind, as agreeing to all things is unreasonable and potentially dangerous. As I find myself mentally and verbally saying, “Yes” to most opportunities that flow my way, I still exercise instinct, fiscal prudence and my own version of life harmony. I will ignore the invite to pierce my nipples, not join a cult, and not invest all my money in what resembles a Ponzi scheme.

What I will do, is wake up tomorrow morning and breathe in the delicious moment of NOW, and energetically say “Yes” to what life has to offer me because I know it will be fantastic! I suggest you try it: who knows, the next “Yes” you say could lead to meeting the person of your dreams, making a new best friend, drop the next incredible business opportunity in your lap, or inspire your biggest idea ever.

Be a “Yes Man” with me.

http://myexistentialmusings.wordpress.com

Much Gratitude,
Amie Chilson

The Surprise Day Was Wonderful

Dave took the day off and we had a spontaneous day of fun.

We started off with breakfast at Awful Annie's in Old Town Auburn where we had breakfast outdoors on the veranda. After a delicious meal, we put the top down on the Miata and headed over the summit to Boomtown where we had a few dollars to play poker. We played for an hour or so with the seniors who clearly play everyday, they all knew each other, and the dealers, too!

From there, we headed back home stopping at a beautiful spot along the Truckee river. The water is raging and the scenery was gorgeous! We kissed and played on the rocks like new lovers, and took pictures to remind us that we an still have fun like we did as a brand new couple.

After our stop at the river, we stopped in at Fox Barrel Brewery and tasted cider, yum! We planned a nice barbecue for later, but before we picked Mason up, we made our final stop at Carpe Vino back in Old Town Auburn, for a lovely glass of zinfandel.

What a great day. The best part is that Dave acts on his intention to keep our marriage full of love and life. Friday was the epitome of Intentional Winning in Marriage!