Day 16 Month of Love goes to one of my most long-time childhood friends Lauren. Lauren, Julie and I were the 3 Musketeers of our time, but we weren't always a united front...how could we be? We were elementary and middle school girls finding our way and figuring out who we were as a group of friends, as young women, and then as adult individuals.
We met in the 4th grade and Julie and Lauren were already friends as their families knew each other, I was the new kid on this block. I told you about Julie, I wanted to be friends with her because she had ponies and I wanted to go riding with her, well, Lauren had a horse, too. Julie and I became friends first and that makes sense since Lauren is a year younger than the two of us, so Jules and I were in the same classes in 5th and 6th grades while Lauren only got to join the two of us at recess and lunchtime.
All of that is just the facts, the good stuff has nothing to do with how old we were or who came first, except for when Lauren and I started to hang out and Jules felt left out! As adults we fully understand why 3 is trouble, our kids need to hang out in pairs or even numbers otherwise someone ends up being the odd man out. That was not often but I bet L (L is what we called Lauren) felt it more than we did, especially when we went to junior and high school a year ahead of her.
Lauren is an amazing woman, she was then and she still is now. She dances to the beat of her own drum and today that's literally true! I'll get back to that, but growing up she had an unusual confidence for a young girl, she really didn't care what people thought of her. We all say that, but few of us really mean or feel it. This is not to say that Lauren does not have the same insecurities that we all have, but I think she had fewer! She was the only girl with two brothers and she was as much a tomboy as Jules and I. We all were the first girls to play little league in Vacaville, and Julie and Lauren gave the boys on dirt bikes a run for their money as well as being able to hold their own in foot races that the boys were used to winning without trying. Yeah, no, they didn't run away with the prize when us girls were in the game. The three of us somehow balanced all the things we wanted to do and be and were the best of friends. There were two other girls in our circle of friends, Cindy and Becky, but for me, we were more of a tight-knit group and time has proven that to be true with me still friends with Lauren and Julie.
Lauren's mom didn't really like me until later in life, she tolerated me because Lauren loved me. Lauren's mom Agnes passed away and before she left this earth she and I had quite a profound conversation. I visited her a number of times while she was ill and toward the end she said two things that stay with me to this day. She said, "Kathy, please call me Agnes. You are a grown woman as am I, you do not need to call me Mrs. Darnell anymore." To which I replied, "Okay Mrs. Darnell." The next thing was not so much about what she said but what the words said about her, I told you that Agnes did not like me, well she didn't really like anyone else's kids and I was even more challenging because I was loud, imagine that! In our last conversation she told me, "Kathy, I'm sorry if I made you feel unwelcome. It was never you, it was me and I want you to know how proud of you I am. I'm so happy you and Lauren are friends and I love you." WOW! What does a young woman say to that? I cried and she cried and then we both laughed.
I share this with you because Lauren is her mother's daughter, only she came to realize that it's okay to say when she is wrong, to say she is sorry to her children and to recognize that she doesn't own them, she has been granted guardianship over them to guide them into adulthood. Agnes understood that as her life neared its end and Lauren got it early on. She is an amazing daughter, friend, wife, and mother. And about that drum and dancing, Lauren has been studying her mother's Aleutian roots and is bringing that history back to life in honor of her mom. Check out Alaska Natives at Fort Ross and all the work Lauren has done. I love you L, I love our history and I hope it's okay that I shared more about your mom than our silly stories, you are so much like your mom and that makes me happy. #MonthOfLove
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