It's Hard to Come Back...

Intentional Winning has a definitive point of view - it is about making your dreams that have not come true, come true. It's so clear to me, I eat, sleep and breathe it...but I have stopped living it.

Like so many, I have been living through difficult times not only with the universally struggling economy, but personally on the level of, who am I really? Why am I here? It's a strange place for me to be because I know who I am! I know what I am supposed to do, however, every time I set my sails, the wind changes. This makes me wonder, am I off course? I keep coming back to what makes me happy and what's working, continuing my college education and creating RiverLights Originals.

I stopped posting regularly popping in only occasionally but I want to come back. I want to share my journey from a more honest perspective, less Rah! Rah! cheer leading and more motivation from a place of honesty. I want to motivate you, and me with the truth. Not the truth that outs the overbearing pseudo-celebrity who takes advantage of those who turn to her for mentoring, or the others who preach the importance of being "real" and "approachable" only to not return phone calls or e-mails. No, I want to share my journey, what really happened with ZipperBack Gloves and what the outcome of our tax audit is. The way we plan to make Dave's dream come true that will have us moving across the country in the next 12-18 months. Heck, a cross country move to a new state, new jobs, a new school, and who knows what else should make for some enjoyable reading!

I hope you'll join me and share your experiences, thoughts and ideas as we go along, as we find our course and the wind fills our sails. Let me know how I can help you and rest assured, I will return your calls and e-mails!

If You Don't Have Something Nice to Say...

We've all heard that before, right? ...Don't say anything at all. Well, that is pretty much where I have been. I started out this year longing for the truth, the truth about my family finances, my education, my weight, my career, the whole shebang! As I looked at what the truth really was, it seemed there were possible consequences for putting them out on my blog, not just for me, but for some of the people involved with me. It is never my intention to hurt anyone, and if I tell a truth about my experience with someone else, well, it might not shine a very good light. In some cases, I want to, I want to so badly I can hardly stand myself, but the fact remains, it's not my intention to hurt any one else. I have to rely on my faith that while that someone is out in a public forum telling half-truths and sometimes lies, well, that will come back to them in time, it's not necessary to share what I know about their deceit.

So each time I feel inspired to get real and share a truth, I have to check in and ask myself, What is my real intention with this writing, and what might the consequences be for all involved? If it even remotely looks like my writing is for cathartic purposes only or could possibly appear slanderous, I'm not writing it for this forum. For now, I'm choosing to live with the Golden Rule, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Kids Get It All Too Soon

Mason came in the kitchen this weekend while I was loading the dishes and said, "Mom, nobody knows this, but I found a $100 dollar bill on the playground on Friday." His eyes were wide waiting for my reply. He didn't have to wait long as I immediately replied, "You did not, you are absolutely telling me a lie." I gave him the disapproving mom look, you know the one, and his eyes fell so he could feel like if he wasn't looking at me, I couldn't see him. I asked him why he feels like he needs to lie for no good reason and his reply was, ironically honest, "I want to share something with you that is interesting. The normal stuff is boring."

Mason is completely right and at eight years old he understands that lies are often perceived as more interesting than the truth and he has already heard that white lies are harmless. I don't agree but the fact of the matter is, we are surrounded by more lies than we can identify. The idea that our peers and neighbors have all that they appear to have materially, financially, and emotionally are the lies they tell when they don't just put the truth out there.

This is a tough post to write and it's been sitting in my drafts for more than three weeks now. It is difficult to find the right words that say what I want to say without implying malice. I don't believe that people intentionally set out to mislead anyone as to what they have or don't have, but I do believe that we all get caught up in not wanting to admit we have too much credit card debt, drive cars we can't fully afford, or possibly have not managed our money in the best possible way. We live in shame. I know this because I am working to break these bad habits. I want to tell the truth and I want it to be okay that we currently live paycheck to paycheck, we drive older cars, and we can't afford to just go buy anything we want to buy. Since late last year we have been using cash, budgeting our money and you know what, it feels good. It feels so good to get creative when it is a few days before payday and my inclination is to eat out because we have no food - that's a lie, we have food, it's just not the food that is convenient or what we may want. It feels good to eat what we have.

Mason and I talked about the idea that ordinary life is boring and at 8 years old, he can see the magic in pretending to be an army guy when he plays in the bamboo, but he can't yet appreciate how my time with him talking in the kitchen is the epitome of wonderful and not one bit boring! He'll get there and when he does, he will see that there is so much more excitement in being honest than there ever will be in telling lies.

Life and Dreams

What is the truth about making your dreams come true? Dave has struggled much of his adult life feeling like he is not in a position to pursue his dreams. I have argued with him that if he thinks about his dream differently, he could start the process that moves him closer to his dream life. Through a series of unfortunate events I find myself wondering if maybe he's right, maybe if you make one choice in life, the door closes on the other (your dream).

The optimist in me says, No! I can live this life with my family and live my dream, too. Circumstances dictate something else. I then go to optimistic thought number two, What if I seek a slightly different version of my dream? Maybe, but can you feel like your dream is truly being fulfilled if it's not really your dream? I would argue yes, but one would have to want to make the change. Or maybe a better way to say that is one would have to love the life they are living more than they love the idea of their original dream coming to fruition - and fully recognize that.

“There are two ways of being happy: We must either diminish our wants or augment our means - either may do - the result is the same and it is for each man to decide for himself and to do that which happens to be easier.” - Benjamin Franklin

I completely believe that changing the way we see our dreams is not only possible but a wonderful option! Life offers such a bounty of possibilities that to limit ourselves to just a few would be a shame. For each of us to truly indulge in the unlimited possibilities available to us, we will have to pick and choose - after all, there are just 24 hours in one day. Be creative in your choosing and be open to ideas that may not be exactly your first choice. You might be pleasantly surprised!

There are Have's and Have-Nots

I am learning that I had an expectation for my life. I expected that if I worked hard, I could make a decent living. I expected that success was available to every person that would put action to their dreams. I refused to believe what my mom believed and told me often, “There are Haves and Have-Nots. We are Have-Nots.” I have worked hard and have a strong life and work ethic, yet my qualifications and experience for a job I could truly rock are only considered after I note that I have a college degree. I do not have a college degree. Success is not about hard work, it is about the defined work. Dreams do not come true for those who take action, dreams come true for those who have access to decision makers, people who may or may not be honestly qualified to make the call but they know my -fill in the blank. In forty-five years of life experience I question my mother’s belief and wonder about the possible validity of it.

This is an excerpt from an English paper I wrote about being lost. I don't want to be all about gloom and doom, the Eyeore if you will, but at the same time, part of the growth process is recognizing what's working and what's not. On my journey looking at deep seated beliefs is proving helpful. Do you know what you believe and why? Questioning why you believe something is good to do, you just might find it was never really your belief to begin with.

The Trouble With The Truth

I am thinking about my new years resolution to get honest and frankly, I'm stalled. I'm finding that I get stuck in what feels like a spider web sticking to me from all sides. What will he/she think? Say? What will the reaction be? Will my truth be seen as more or less serious than I see it? Will a duologue be had or will judgment be cast? If judgment is cast, what will that mean? Will I lose my power if I'm perceived as weak or broken? All of this is plain and simple fear, but at what point is fear healthy and sane? It's easy to advise someone else that no matter what the fallout might be, that honesty is the best policy. Would you tell your boss you had a prescription drug addiction?

The trouble with the truth is it can be dangerous. This all goes back to what I said at the beginning of the year about public persona versus what's real. Is it better to simply deal with what is real and do what you can to make right what is wrong - getting really honest personally? Seeking help and confiding in trusted sources may be better than opening Pandora's box for the world to see. From my perspective, once the world sees it, each person is forced to do something with it...from simply dismissing the knowledge (who cares?) to being rocked with fear not knowing what will happen next (something ones young children might feel). I suppose it all depends on what needs confronting and only the individual person can decide what the right thing to do is. I'm feeling that getting honest is a good thing, but doing it in a responsible way is equally important. Addressing issues with only the people who need to be involved and working to feel less fear and shame is really the goal anyone who wants to come clean is looking for, don't you think? I really do want to know what you think of this topic.

Big Business Say, Yes! to Small Business

No one will agrue that America today is not the same place that it was when our grandparents and parents were living and doing business. In many ways it's a better time, but for small business, it's not working.

Big business (sorry, I can't help myself), the 1%, needs to throw a lifeline out to small business. Say Yes! to Small Business. Large retail chains need to take all the fees and rhetoric out of the process of evaluting the products of small businesses. Allow the products that are "retail ready" with distribution in place to share some shelf space with the name brands. If our products don't sell, don't reorder! We are not asking for charity, just a fair shake and a fighting chance to succeed, to live the American dream.

Did you know that some retail chains place large orders, require costly specific packaging, charge for shelf space and in some cases are doing a "Pay by Scan" practice? Yes, after you provide them with huge quantities of inventory - packaged specifically for them (cha-ching!), they are paying you as they sell it. Yep, consignment with a national chain - thousands of stores. What mom & pop in American can do that? Not me.

A campaign like Say Yes! to Small Business could not only boost our economy by putting money into small businesses, but also creating jobs, maybe one at a time, but that is one more American working than there was yesterday. Big business would be wise to let their consumers know that they are supporting the mom and pop businesses with some signage highlighting the products. Give real feedback to the small business so if their product is not as marketable as they thought, they can improve or cut their losses. Work together, sadly, it's a novel idea today.

This idea has more potential than I can even conceive. Will Big businesses like Target, WalMart, REI, Sharper Image, Dick's and others even consider such a thing? Or will they continue to allocate the bulk of their buying dollars to the big brands? Big business/Big brands...they stick togther.