Getting to Share in an Intimate Moment with my Son

Mason is just 12 years old, but he is wise beyond his years. A few nights back we had minor disaster in our master bedroom and I had to sleep on the trundle bed in Mason's room. It was fun, kind of like a slumber party. I was wrapping up some email on my laptop and he was on his iPad. I told him he needed to say goodbye to his girlfriend he was messaging with on Instagram and he was taking longer than I wanted him to take. I pushed and he got mad at me, he said, "Mom, she is trying to tell me something, can you give me just another minute?" I was playing hardball as it was really late and when he finally signed off he made sure to inform me that she just broke up with him. Ouch! I felt like a total schmuck.

Keep in mind that he is only in the 6th grade but he and this young lady have been courting for a couple of months - that's a long time at this stage in life. I had my laptop off and way lying in the dark listening to my boy cry. It felt horrible and I was so grateful when he started talking. "Mom, L and J knew, they were so happy today at school, they were laughing when I walked by and I just know they told N to break up with me. Why would people be happy that someone was going to be hurt?" What do I say to that? I said the only thing I could say, I told him that there will always be people in life who will take joy from other people's pain and in middle school, it's probably as bad as it will ever be. I went on to say as young kids, you all don't know how to reconcile these grown up situations and when someone is getting hurt, it's scary. It's easier for a young person to act tough and like they don't care than it is to show real compassion and empathy.

I don't think he liked my answer but I followed it up with what I thought was sound advice. I told him to not feed into any drama that may be at school tomorrow. I said that middle school is the introduction to relationships and how you start out handling things will help how you handle things as you go through high school and college. The best thing to do is to hold you head high, do your own thing and ignore any remarks that try to pull you into the blacktop drama. I did my best to convince him that he should leave girls alone and just be a kid, don't mess with "girlfriends" right now. I'm not sure I succeeded, but I'll keep trying.

How many mom's get to be present when their son's first break up happens? Not many I would imagine and I was so honored that Mason shared his feelings with me. What an amazing gift, seriously, it was a priceless, wonderful gift.

Expectations...Yeah, I Got 'Em!

If I've heard it once, I've heard it a million times, "Kathy, you can't have expectations of others, if you do, you are responsible for the disappointment that will inevitably come" What? This has never made sense to me. Why is it bad to have expectations of others and why is it on me when they flake? If I understand what has been explained to me, I give more than most people. I take my commitments seriously and if I say I will do something, I do it. Not everybody operates like I do. Because I know how I will handle a commitment, it only stands to reason I would expect those I am dealing with to behave the same way, especially when we agree that we will follow through with our commitments. Not so much. People don't do what they say they will do, and they don't show up when they say they will...and people are okay with that. "Lighten up!" they tell me. "Don't be so serious all the time." is another excuse I've heard. It baffles me.

Here's how I see it, if you and I are in an relationship, be it friends, lovers, or work, we have an understanding of what that relationship is and how we are participating in it. Yes, I said we have an agreement. I know this because I am a bit of an over-communicator, I like to know where I stand with people. If you say you will do something or be somewhere at a specific time, I believe you. I will expect you to do it or be there on time. If you don't, well, then I have a decision to make. I either decide to keep you in my circle but know I can't rely on you to keep your word, or we just politely go our separate ways. I need to know that I can count on the people in my life, and doing what you say you will do exhibits respect, it's really tough to have a relationship without respect, don't you agree? See what I did right there? I asked you if you agree with me. When you don't keep an appointment with me or show up on time, you might as well just tell me, "Kathy, your time is not that important to me. I know you did what you had to do to be on time, but I didn't and you can just wait for me, or maybe we can reschedule?" No. We can't.

If I can't expect you to show up and keep your word, I don't think we are a good fit to be in a relationship. It may just be me, but I have amazing people in my life and I know many of them feel the same way I do, so let's just suffice it to say, I do expect you to do what you say you will and show up when you say you will show up. You can expect the same from me, and we can live happily ever after.

*This isn't to say that sometimes things that are out of our control come up and delay us, that's different than the person who is always late or just has a loosey-goosey attitude about being on time.

I Wrote and Published a Book

Did you know that? It started back in 2000 and I even started the first draft. I got busy and changed computers a number of times so I lost track of it. In 2007 I found it and I finished it in 2008. I don't think I printed it until January of 2009, but I finished it and printed it. I sold maybe 100 copies, but I'm proud to say I completed it.

Creative and Memorable Ways to Keep in Touch - yep, a little paperback gift book about and old school way of touching people. There are 52 ideas ranging from sending a Christmas card in July, creating themed gift boxes to mail, to being a secret pal for no real reason at all. Certainly, we keep in touch and share news on social media, but this is a much more personal way to touch people and stay connected.

Here is the first paragraph in the intro of the book:

This was started in 2000, and here we are 15 years later longing for a more personal connection more than ever. Do you have plans to try to do more to personally connect with your loved ones? I may republish my CMWTKIT blog, but not right away, I'm more interested in keeping my resolution to write every day in 2016. Unless of course there was a major public outcry for this fun little gift book. Big smiles!

What Does Success Look Like?

RiverLights Originals

When I look around and see the amazing people I have surrounded myself with every day, I see how good they have it. Sure, we all have problems, but for the most part, my circle of friends is happy and successful. They are working, playing, traveling, basically living a pretty good life.

As I look toward the new year, I always reflect back on where I was and how far I've come. Sometimes it seems like I didn't make nearly the amount of progress I was hoping for, but I keep setting goals and working hard.

It's about that time I am feeling a bit like I was destined to be a "Have Not" when someone says to me, "You really inspire me! I love the way you are not afraid to get in the game and try. I wish I could be more like you." WOW! I hear that and I ask, "Did I inspire you to the point that you did get in the game? Did you do something you would not have had you not seen me step up?" I usually get a resounding "Yes!"

Some examples are when I posted photos of my hikes and how I am taking action to get fit. I ran into an acquaintance at the grocery store and she had clearly lost a significant amount of weight. I commented and she replied, "You inspired me. You posted every day and each time I thought, why am I not doing it too?" Another time my friend had applied for a job that was something she wanted to do but had not yet had the experience on her resume. She was nervous when she got the interview because she felt like she didn't have talking points applicable to the new company. She went into the interview and told me that she channeled me and the way I can plug in life experiences to make an example of something. She spoke about examples in life and other jobs that she was able to make metaphors for the new job and show the interviewer that she has the skills - the people skills, the admin skills, the life skills that have nothing to do with the specific industry. Her excellent skills are applicable in many places and she remembered me advising her to ask for the position. She did and she is now excited to go to work every day.

With stories like this, how can I feel like I am not getting anywhere in this life? That is success on a grand scale! It makes me feel amazing and each time I feel like I am trying to run in quicksand, I will come back to this post and remember, these are just two people I've inspired to get ahead in their lives. What about you, do you feel successful? If you do, how do you gauge success?

What is Time?

What is time? Time is a measure in which events can be ordered from the past through the present into the future, and also the measure of durations of events and the intervals between them. Time is often referred to as the fourth dimension, along with the three spatial dimensions. What?! Laughing!

Time is the 24 hours we have each day and the seven days each week, that make up the 365 days we all have each year. Time is so relative, think about it, remember that day you had big plans after work and it seemed like the minutes were hours while you were at work? And then the way the minutes flew by once you were at your event with your friends? It;s how you think about it and how you live in it that makes it what it is for you. Time is just time, it is neither fast nor slow, it is the same for all of us. Do you have time? Can you make time? What time is it? Where did the time go?

When I think of time, I think of where I am and where I want to be. I've heard it said again and again, "It will take so long." Or, "By the time I get my degree, I will be too old to do anything with it." Nonsense! The fact of the matter is, the clock is always ticking, the next 60 seconds, 60 minutes, 60 hours, and 60 days are going to pass at the same rate they did last year and where will you be? You can start today toward where it is you want to go and when those 60 days pass, you will be closer to that goal. 

This is what I know about time; I know that I'm grateful for every day that I am still here with my family and friends. I know that the time I've spent living my ordinary life are some of my most treasured memories. I know that it does not take a long time to make a shift in my universe, no matter how small or how large, how I think about something in an instant can set things in motion whether I realize it or not. Time is why I write. I want my time to be documented for Mason and his family, I want them to know who we are and all the amazing things we did. For as time goes on, it is not kind to our minds, and these memories will change, and fade and eventually cease to exist. Time is precious, it is the most valuable gift you can give and it's important to give the gift to yourself sometimes. Don't you think it's about time?

The Power of Intention

New York, Central Park August 2015

Mason is just 12 years old, but he has spent all those 12 years watching and hearing me talk about the power of intention. He hears me frequently say, "Whatever you think, you're right!" It's my favorite quote. Even though Mason will squawk about something being difficult or life not being fair, I know he understands that his thoughts guide his actions which in turn, create the immediate outcomes for his life. I say immediate because contrary to popular belief, changes can happen in an instant. It is a combination of immediate outcomes that when they come together make a successful future.

While Mason and I were in NY for the Chopped Junior competition, we talked a lot about what an honor it was to just be invited to compete on Food Network. The morning of the competition Mason and I had a little chat in our hotel room. I said to him, "You know Mason, I am completely confident that you have everything you need to win this thing. You have practiced and studied, you have the skills. With that said, more than anything I want you to understand that it is cool just to be here and to have fun today." He hugged me and we went down to breakfast. We met the other kids and their moms and the staff in the hotel restaurant moved a little 2 person table to the end of an eight foot table and Mason and Hannah's mom sat at the little table. During breakfast Mason playfully announced, "Hey, there is 100% chance that the Chopped Junior champion is sitting at this table." All the kids chuckled and nodded and Mason added, "No, this table" as he placed both hands on the little table only he (as one of the kids) was sitting at. They all laughed but I got it, it gave me chills the way he calmly spoke with such conviction - he absolutely set his intention and went on to win the competition. Coincidence? Some would say yes, but not me.

Our kids absolutely mirror what they see, and they see more of us as their parents than other people, especially at younger ages. Mason is now starting to spend more time socializing with other people in other environments and he will often tell me, "Mom, they don't think like we do." That pleases me that he gets how much power he has to control his life, and I'm sure to also share that the things he can't control, he can control how he reacts to and what his next action is. That is just as important in the manifestation process, don't you think?

Mason Made Roasted Onion & Garlic Cheese Balls

Kristy DeVaney from cavegrrl.com invited Mason to create something using cream cheese. Mason is not one to shy away from a challenge, especially when it involves Challenge cream cheese!

Mason created a cheese ball that when rolled in different coatings, adds variety to the flavor. Make them for your next party. Hey the big game is coming, February 7th, your guests will love this snack and it's not the same old thing.

If you are interested in Paleo and gluten free options, visit Cavegrrl.com and you will love what Kristy is doing with real food.

Mason Made Roasted Onion & Garlic Cheese Balls

2 pkg Challenge cream cheese

1 med yellow onion

1 sm red onion

1 lg head of garlic

6 sage leaves

2 springs of Rosemary

1 pkg chives

1C Italian blend grated cheese

1.5C fresh grated parmesan

1C chopped or sliced nuts (we used almonds)

Olive oil

Salt and pepper

Preheat the oven to 400. Quarter the onions and top the head of garlic. Create a wrap around the garlic with foil so it sits up, it does not have to be closed up. Drizzle the onions and garlic with olive oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Roast until soft. Set aside and let cool. Once cool, squeeze the garlic cloves out of their casings, Mason thought this was way fun how they pop right out.

Finely dice the chives and place them in a bowl, set aside. Dice the sage leaves and Rosemary. Once your roast onions and garlic are cool (don't have to be cold, just not hot), place them in the food processor and pulse until they are almost a paste consistency - not quite though. Add the cream cheese, Italian blend, 1/2C parmesan, sage and rosemary and process unit it is all completely mixed. Taste and add salt and pepper to taste. You may need to scrape your food processor bowl and mix again to be sure you don't have cream cheese lumps. Turn the whole thing out on to a cookie sheet being sure to scrape all the cheesy goodness out of your processor.

Form the cheese into four logs or balls and roll in the chives. When you start to run out of the chives, add the other cup of parmesan and coat with that. Do the same with nuts if you want. Refrigerate for 30 minutes before serving. 

Serve with a French baguette and crackers, it's delicious!

Mason also notes that if you have leftovers, it adds a delicious layer of flavor to casseroles or we added it to white chicken chili, it was so good!