I strongly suggest you consider addressing a love relationship or marriage that is not what you want.
Think about your perfect relationship. Yes, there are relationships that come very close to perfect! Are you living it now? If not, don't settle. You deserve, and with all the good that you are, have earned everything you dream about in love. My marriage is more than I dreamed it would be. How cool is that, I set a pretty high standard and surpassed it!
I can assure you, you will never have that dream relationship if you stay in this less than desirable one. I like to use the example of spoiled milk in a cup. Even if there is one tiny drop of spoiled milk in your cup, you can't add any fresh milk without it spoiling, too. Think of your relationship of that spoiled milk. You have to completely empty and wash out your cup (a clean break with none of that on-again, off-again, meeting after the bars close for a booty call stuff), and start sampling fresh, sweet milk.
I know I'm simplifying all of this, but in reality, it is this simple. The process and the stuff you have to "do" is not so easy, but that doesn't mean you can't do it and get through it. And think of this, the sooner you start, the sooner you will be through it, and the sooner you can be living on the happy side!
This time next year will come no matter what you do. Where do you want your life to be a year from now?
Friday, February 15, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Now Make Intentional Choices
Now that you are looking more closely at your environment and the people in it, make some intentional choices about who gets to be a part of your inner circle.
For me, my inner circle is that group of people that I allow to be with me. This is tough if you work with someone who you don't think is one of those people you would invite to your party of life, but there are things you can do to get through it. First and foremost, do not lower your ethical standards and accept anything less than you expect from yourself. Keep doing the good job that you are doing and let the negative energy take care of itself. As long as there is more positive than negative, the negative will usually just leave. Really!
If your work environment has more than one person making up the negativity, you have to ask yourself if the good this job offers you outweighs the dark space you have to live in 8 or more hours everyday. Only you can answer that, but let me assure you I have left a job because of a manager who was (in my opinion) pure evil.
Take a look at who you work with, then who you love, after that, family and people in general. It doesn't matter what order you choose, just know that you do have choices and you can have the best in all of your relationships!
For me, my inner circle is that group of people that I allow to be with me. This is tough if you work with someone who you don't think is one of those people you would invite to your party of life, but there are things you can do to get through it. First and foremost, do not lower your ethical standards and accept anything less than you expect from yourself. Keep doing the good job that you are doing and let the negative energy take care of itself. As long as there is more positive than negative, the negative will usually just leave. Really!
If your work environment has more than one person making up the negativity, you have to ask yourself if the good this job offers you outweighs the dark space you have to live in 8 or more hours everyday. Only you can answer that, but let me assure you I have left a job because of a manager who was (in my opinion) pure evil.
Take a look at who you work with, then who you love, after that, family and people in general. It doesn't matter what order you choose, just know that you do have choices and you can have the best in all of your relationships!
Monday, February 11, 2008
Focus on the Good Ones
Hopefully you were able to spot the relationships in your life that are not so good for you. It is not an easy thing to do, and by no means are the answers simple. However, if you begin by recognizing the people who bring you down, you have made the first critical step.
With the bad, there is always the good. Seek out the people who make you feel like you have the world by the tail. You know the ones I'm talking about, the people who as soon as you greet them, you feel great! In the past as I have eliminated the negative energy in my life, the positive people have come in droves. Some of them are my life long friends, and others are the strangers I encounter in my everyday life. I make it a point to only surround myself with people I want to be like, people who are happy, productive, and really living.
Right this very minute, think of someone good in your life and contact them. Call them on the phone, send an e-mail, or even go see them personally. See what happens when you put your attention on these relationships. I bet you will be pleased!
With the bad, there is always the good. Seek out the people who make you feel like you have the world by the tail. You know the ones I'm talking about, the people who as soon as you greet them, you feel great! In the past as I have eliminated the negative energy in my life, the positive people have come in droves. Some of them are my life long friends, and others are the strangers I encounter in my everyday life. I make it a point to only surround myself with people I want to be like, people who are happy, productive, and really living.
Right this very minute, think of someone good in your life and contact them. Call them on the phone, send an e-mail, or even go see them personally. See what happens when you put your attention on these relationships. I bet you will be pleased!
Friday, February 8, 2008
What Did You Find?
Did you look around you and see if you have any of those toxic people in your life? This can be a really tough thing to recognize, especially if you realize that someone close to you is not good for you.
This happens more often than not. I had a man in my life many, many years ago who was not good for me. We had fun, we laughed at the same jokes, we had amazing chemistry, and we loved each other. It was during this five year relationship that I started to become aware of energy and how it affects everything. It took me the whole five years and then some to fully disconnect, but when I did, my life shot up in every way possible. I got a better job, I met people who inspired me, I found opportunities to follow my dreams, and literally, the sun shined on me.
It is easy to not be around people who are acquaintances and even coworkers, it is quite another process to disconnect (on some level or completely) with a family member or spouse. I know it was incredibly difficult and took years for me to not feel the pain in my heart, but it can be done. If need be, get professional help. If you are in an abusive relationship, find the support to get you out safely. In Sacramento, we have Women Escaping A Violent Environment (WEAVE 916-920-2952 or http://www.weaveinc.org/).
The best part is when you get through it, and start to find all the good energy that is out there, you can't believe you ever lived in that kind of darkness.
This happens more often than not. I had a man in my life many, many years ago who was not good for me. We had fun, we laughed at the same jokes, we had amazing chemistry, and we loved each other. It was during this five year relationship that I started to become aware of energy and how it affects everything. It took me the whole five years and then some to fully disconnect, but when I did, my life shot up in every way possible. I got a better job, I met people who inspired me, I found opportunities to follow my dreams, and literally, the sun shined on me.
It is easy to not be around people who are acquaintances and even coworkers, it is quite another process to disconnect (on some level or completely) with a family member or spouse. I know it was incredibly difficult and took years for me to not feel the pain in my heart, but it can be done. If need be, get professional help. If you are in an abusive relationship, find the support to get you out safely. In Sacramento, we have Women Escaping A Violent Environment (WEAVE 916-920-2952 or http://www.weaveinc.org/).
The best part is when you get through it, and start to find all the good energy that is out there, you can't believe you ever lived in that kind of darkness.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Toxic Energy
Who in your sphere of influence is toxic to you? We all have experienced those people, who as soon as they walk in a room, the energy gets dark. Do you know what I'm talking about?
I had people like this in my life and it took me a long time to recognize the effect it was having on me. At first blush, you can tell yourself that it doesn't matter how they are, but it does! Energy permeates even the tiniest crevices and that includes our thoughts, emotions, and even our physical being.
If this is something you have not already addressed in your life, start taking notice of how you feel when certain people are around you. Do they make you smile and lift you up? If not, then how do they make you feel? How does the space you are both in feel? Do other people make a hasty exit when they get there? All these questions will become second nature to you when you start to pay attention and make changes.
It is easy to advise someone to leave an abusive relationship, or to spot a person who has let themselves fall into a life of lack. But it is not always so easy to see the people who look nice and appear to be nice, when in fact; they are not looking out for the best interest of those around them. Pay attention and see what you come up with.
I had people like this in my life and it took me a long time to recognize the effect it was having on me. At first blush, you can tell yourself that it doesn't matter how they are, but it does! Energy permeates even the tiniest crevices and that includes our thoughts, emotions, and even our physical being.
If this is something you have not already addressed in your life, start taking notice of how you feel when certain people are around you. Do they make you smile and lift you up? If not, then how do they make you feel? How does the space you are both in feel? Do other people make a hasty exit when they get there? All these questions will become second nature to you when you start to pay attention and make changes.
It is easy to advise someone to leave an abusive relationship, or to spot a person who has let themselves fall into a life of lack. But it is not always so easy to see the people who look nice and appear to be nice, when in fact; they are not looking out for the best interest of those around them. Pay attention and see what you come up with.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Married with Kids
It seems fitting with February being the month of love, that we talk about relationships and how we can improve our contribution to them.
This last weekend, Dave had to work in San Diego and I took the opprortunity to meet him for a few nights. We went country dancing on Friday night and I have to say, this was as close to being in a time machine as you can get. Everything about that night took us back to 1997 when we were just getting to know each other, dancing, laughing, and falling in love. Of course, the falling in love part took more than six years, but it was all those moments that made up the "happily married" that we are today. Every married couple needs to do this! Go back to something or someplace that is part of your dating history - without your kids. Maybe the place you married and/or honeymooned. This kind of rekindling is a shot in the arm that works like a slingshot. It stays with you days and sometimes even weeks after you get home.
We held hands through the airport coming home and even this morning, we were still smiling about the good time we just had. When we picked Mason up, he immediatley asked the two of us what we brought him. We just looked at each other and smiled because we know we brought him a mom and a dad who love him enough to keep our marriage thriving and dare I say, spicy? I can't think of a better gift to bring home for all of us.
This last weekend, Dave had to work in San Diego and I took the opprortunity to meet him for a few nights. We went country dancing on Friday night and I have to say, this was as close to being in a time machine as you can get. Everything about that night took us back to 1997 when we were just getting to know each other, dancing, laughing, and falling in love. Of course, the falling in love part took more than six years, but it was all those moments that made up the "happily married" that we are today. Every married couple needs to do this! Go back to something or someplace that is part of your dating history - without your kids. Maybe the place you married and/or honeymooned. This kind of rekindling is a shot in the arm that works like a slingshot. It stays with you days and sometimes even weeks after you get home.
We held hands through the airport coming home and even this morning, we were still smiling about the good time we just had. When we picked Mason up, he immediatley asked the two of us what we brought him. We just looked at each other and smiled because we know we brought him a mom and a dad who love him enough to keep our marriage thriving and dare I say, spicy? I can't think of a better gift to bring home for all of us.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Happy February!
Welcome to the month of love, the red month, and the month with the fewest days in the year. Don't forget though, that this year is a leap year so we get to add day 29 to the calendar.
This month we are going to talk about relationships. Family, friends, love, work, society, they all play a part in our lives everyday. I find it interesting that we tend to think inside the box when we initially think about our relationships. Family is family, we don't get to choose and hopefully we have been lucky. Love is love, when you love someone, it means something very specific to each of us. You see where I am going here.
I want to challenge you to think about every single one of your realtionships in it's own individual light. Let me give you an example. I love my husband, Dave. We have a very happy and secure marriage and it is true for me to say I love him. We all understand that, and it makes sense. But what would you think if you heard me tell my friend Mike, "I love you" before hanging up the phone? You might wonder why I would tell another man I love him. Well, I do love him. He has been my friend for more than 10 years, and I tell him I love him often. This is what I mean about thinking of your relationships in their own light. Dave knows I love Mike. I loved Dave before we were married, but more like I love Mike, without the intimately physical relationship we share now that we are married.
So start thinking about how you pigeonhole relationships. Are they all black and white, or are there many shades of gray? This will be a fun month, I can tell already!
This month we are going to talk about relationships. Family, friends, love, work, society, they all play a part in our lives everyday. I find it interesting that we tend to think inside the box when we initially think about our relationships. Family is family, we don't get to choose and hopefully we have been lucky. Love is love, when you love someone, it means something very specific to each of us. You see where I am going here.
I want to challenge you to think about every single one of your realtionships in it's own individual light. Let me give you an example. I love my husband, Dave. We have a very happy and secure marriage and it is true for me to say I love him. We all understand that, and it makes sense. But what would you think if you heard me tell my friend Mike, "I love you" before hanging up the phone? You might wonder why I would tell another man I love him. Well, I do love him. He has been my friend for more than 10 years, and I tell him I love him often. This is what I mean about thinking of your relationships in their own light. Dave knows I love Mike. I loved Dave before we were married, but more like I love Mike, without the intimately physical relationship we share now that we are married.
So start thinking about how you pigeonhole relationships. Are they all black and white, or are there many shades of gray? This will be a fun month, I can tell already!
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