From My Personal Journal

July 2001 in the "Relationships" section of my goals and plans for my life I wrote:

Simply Stated: I am participating in a wonderful loving marriage. We support and nourish each other and have a communication line that is clean and clear.

1 Year: I have drawn to me the man who fuels me and I just light him up! We know we are forever and we are making plans.

3 Years: We are happily married and have specific plans for our life together. We are learning and growing. We have multiple properties and deciding about our family.

What I'm doing today: I am living my life - having fun, meeting new people. I am paying attention to who I am surrounding myself with. I am being me, knowing I am not only enough, but wonderful and unique. I am listening and paying attention. I believe I can have all I desire and it will be wonderful!

I came across this old journal the other day while cleaning house. I couldn't help browsing it. When I read this section and realized it had not only come true almost to the letter, I smiled even bigger seeing that the universe did everything on my speed setting; faster than I planned!

Dave and I started dating in September 2001. We were engaged (and secretly married) in December 2001. We planned our wedding for November 2002, and Mason was born in October 2003. Though we don't "own" multiple properties, we do own one and have several others available to us that we didn't have in July of 2001. So there you go, to journal or not to journal? I think it's a silly question.

If you dream about it, write it down, draw pictures of what you see in your head, plan how you can behave now to get where you want to be tomorrow. It works. I believe!

Relate Up!

As I get older, I understand the importance of relating up. This means that I strategically place myself at the bottom of the totem pole and surround myself with the people I want to learn from and be like.

As young people this is difficult. Our egos get in the way and we want to be the one in charge, the top of the totem pole. When you do this two things happen; first, you have nowhere to go. How fun is any endeavor if you have nothing to learn? Second, your energy is constantly being tapped by those who (hopefully) want to be like you, often times leaving you nothing for yourself.

So think about this every time you find yourself in a social setting, or looking for a new job. Seek out those people who have what you want in life and befriend them. Learn what it is that they do in their day to day life, and you will see that before long you are doing many of the same things. "Do" is the most important part of any plan, get to the "do" and you will "have." Soon you will be drawing more and more of this calibre individual (or group) to you and living the life of your dreams.

Special note: Happy Birthday mom! Enjoy your day.

Let's Take Stock

All month we have been looking at all of our relationships and which ones really serve us. What have you discovered? I remember going through this process for the first time and how difficult it was. What I can tell you for sure is this, once you start to evaluate each of your relationships individually, on their own merit, you will start to create an amazing sphere of energy in your life.

What this means is that I don't put my relationships in categories like family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances. Every person in my life has their own special place, purpose, and priority. The more I pick and choose good, high energy people to surround me, the more people I have high on my priority list.

Here is what I suggest, make a list of all the people in your life. One by one, go down the list and evaluate each one for the purpose of making sure you have great, bright, white light surrounding you. If you don't, think about what you can do to improve that relationship. If the good outweighs the bad, stay. If the bad outweighs the good, there is something better for you around the corner. This is a powerful exercise, yet it's one that will change your life if you do it honestly. Are you ready? Things are about to get good, really good!

Take Some Notes

This sure hasn't been the week for stimulating conversation. I hope all these hours I have been sleeping with the flu count toward my "sleep reserves" for later. Sheesh!

As you know we have been looking at relationships this month and how we can choose, groom, and thrive in only the healthiest ones. What have you done in your life to recognize the not so good ones, and fuel the healthy ones? Make some notes or keep a journal and it won't be long before you can see the "muck," before you agree to a lunch date.

It seems easy to know what we don't want, so take a moment to write down the things you DO want. What do you want in work relationships? How would you like things to be with your family? What about love? Start to focus on the the way you want things to be, write it all down, and you will be amazed how the stuff you don't want starts to fall away. Keep me posted!

Support Is So Important

So here I am with the flu. I'm looking my absolute worst, and feeling even lower than that, and my husband couldn't be kinder.

We've had issues with being compassionate when each other is ill, but it seems we have overcome this as well. I've come to the conclusion that we see each other as strong and independant, so when we are down, it is foreign territory. We tend to be of the "suck it up" mindset, instead of "I'm so sorry you're not feeling well. Is there anything I can do?"

After a sweet phone call from Dave, I went back to sleep knowing I couldn't be in a more loving environment.

You Don't Get to Choose Your Family

For better or worse, your family members are who they are.

For me, the reality is that we are related through blood, but we are also individual human beings who may not always agree on how we want to live. I have a relatively large family and most of us get along famously. I also have a few members of my family that I would rather not acknowledge as related to me. I know that sounds bad, but these individuals have made life choices that are completely out of my realm of reality.

Just like at work or in love, I have very strong ideas about the kind of energy I want in my life. It doesn't matter if you are related to me, if you are practicing unethical and/or illegal behavior, I don't want any part of it. I don't want it for me, my family, or my friends.

I have had lengthy conversations with people about this and the consensus is if someone is your family, you have to love and live with them no matter what. I simply do not agree. It makes me a little sad that I don't have the Leave it to Beaver family of the 1950s, but it is what it is, and I am making the best family I can for Dave and Mason.

Intention in Love and Marriage

I strongly suggest you consider addressing a love relationship or marriage that is not what you want.

Think about your perfect relationship. Yes, there are relationships that come very close to perfect! Are you living it now? If not, don't settle. You deserve, and with all the good that you are, have earned everything you dream about in love. My marriage is more than I dreamed it would be. How cool is that, I set a pretty high standard and surpassed it!

I can assure you, you will never have that dream relationship if you stay in this less than desirable one. I like to use the example of spoiled milk in a cup. Even if there is one tiny drop of spoiled milk in your cup, you can't add any fresh milk without it spoiling, too. Think of your relationship of that spoiled milk. You have to completely empty and wash out your cup (a clean break with none of that on-again, off-again, meeting after the bars close for a booty call stuff), and start sampling fresh, sweet milk.

I know I'm simplifying all of this, but in reality, it is this simple. The process and the stuff you have to "do" is not so easy, but that doesn't mean you can't do it and get through it. And think of this, the sooner you start, the sooner you will be through it, and the sooner you can be living on the happy side!

This time next year will come no matter what you do. Where do you want your life to be a year from now?

Now Make Intentional Choices

Now that you are looking more closely at your environment and the people in it, make some intentional choices about who gets to be a part of your inner circle.

For me, my inner circle is that group of people that I allow to be with me. This is tough if you work with someone who you don't think is one of those people you would invite to your party of life, but there are things you can do to get through it. First and foremost, do not lower your ethical standards and accept anything less than you expect from yourself. Keep doing the good job that you are doing and let the negative energy take care of itself. As long as there is more positive than negative, the negative will usually just leave. Really!

If your work environment has more than one person making up the negativity, you have to ask yourself if the good this job offers you outweighs the dark space you have to live in 8 or more hours everyday. Only you can answer that, but let me assure you I have left a job because of a manager who was (in my opinion) pure evil.

Take a look at who you work with, then who you love, after that, family and people in general. It doesn't matter what order you choose, just know that you do have choices and you can have the best in all of your relationships!

Focus on the Good Ones

Hopefully you were able to spot the relationships in your life that are not so good for you. It is not an easy thing to do, and by no means are the answers simple. However, if you begin by recognizing the people who bring you down, you have made the first critical step.

With the bad, there is always the good. Seek out the people who make you feel like you have the world by the tail. You know the ones I'm talking about, the people who as soon as you greet them, you feel great! In the past as I have eliminated the negative energy in my life, the positive people have come in droves. Some of them are my life long friends, and others are the strangers I encounter in my everyday life. I make it a point to only surround myself with people I want to be like, people who are happy, productive, and really living.

Right this very minute, think of someone good in your life and contact them. Call them on the phone, send an e-mail, or even go see them personally. See what happens when you put your attention on these relationships. I bet you will be pleased!

What Did You Find?

Did you look around you and see if you have any of those toxic people in your life? This can be a really tough thing to recognize, especially if you realize that someone close to you is not good for you.

This happens more often than not. I had a man in my life many, many years ago who was not good for me. We had fun, we laughed at the same jokes, we had amazing chemistry, and we loved each other. It was during this five year relationship that I started to become aware of energy and how it affects everything. It took me the whole five years and then some to fully disconnect, but when I did, my life shot up in every way possible. I got a better job, I met people who inspired me, I found opportunities to follow my dreams, and literally, the sun shined on me.

It is easy to not be around people who are acquaintances and even coworkers, it is quite another process to disconnect (on some level or completely) with a family member or spouse. I know it was incredibly difficult and took years for me to not feel the pain in my heart, but it can be done. If need be, get professional help. If you are in an abusive relationship, find the support to get you out safely. In Sacramento, we have Women Escaping A Violent Environment (WEAVE 916-920-2952 or http://www.weaveinc.org/).

The best part is when you get through it, and start to find all the good energy that is out there, you can't believe you ever lived in that kind of darkness.

Toxic Energy

Who in your sphere of influence is toxic to you? We all have experienced those people, who as soon as they walk in a room, the energy gets dark. Do you know what I'm talking about?

I had people like this in my life and it took me a long time to recognize the effect it was having on me. At first blush, you can tell yourself that it doesn't matter how they are, but it does! Energy permeates even the tiniest crevices and that includes our thoughts, emotions, and even our physical being.

If this is something you have not already addressed in your life, start taking notice of how you feel when certain people are around you. Do they make you smile and lift you up? If not, then how do they make you feel? How does the space you are both in feel? Do other people make a hasty exit when they get there? All these questions will become second nature to you when you start to pay attention and make changes.

It is easy to advise someone to leave an abusive relationship, or to spot a person who has let themselves fall into a life of lack. But it is not always so easy to see the people who look nice and appear to be nice, when in fact; they are not looking out for the best interest of those around them. Pay attention and see what you come up with.

Married with Kids

It seems fitting with February being the month of love, that we talk about relationships and how we can improve our contribution to them.

This last weekend, Dave had to work in San Diego and I took the opprortunity to meet him for a few nights. We went country dancing on Friday night and I have to say, this was as close to being in a time machine as you can get. Everything about that night took us back to 1997 when we were just getting to know each other, dancing, laughing, and falling in love. Of course, the falling in love part took more than six years, but it was all those moments that made up the "happily married" that we are today. Every married couple needs to do this! Go back to something or someplace that is part of your dating history - without your kids. Maybe the place you married and/or honeymooned. This kind of rekindling is a shot in the arm that works like a slingshot. It stays with you days and sometimes even weeks after you get home.

We held hands through the airport coming home and even this morning, we were still smiling about the good time we just had. When we picked Mason up, he immediatley asked the two of us what we brought him. We just looked at each other and smiled because we know we brought him a mom and a dad who love him enough to keep our marriage thriving and dare I say, spicy? I can't think of a better gift to bring home for all of us.

Happy February!

Welcome to the month of love, the red month, and the month with the fewest days in the year. Don't forget though, that this year is a leap year so we get to add day 29 to the calendar.

This month we are going to talk about relationships. Family, friends, love, work, society, they all play a part in our lives everyday. I find it interesting that we tend to think inside the box when we initially think about our relationships. Family is family, we don't get to choose and hopefully we have been lucky. Love is love, when you love someone, it means something very specific to each of us. You see where I am going here.

I want to challenge you to think about every single one of your realtionships in it's own individual light. Let me give you an example. I love my husband, Dave. We have a very happy and secure marriage and it is true for me to say I love him. We all understand that, and it makes sense. But what would you think if you heard me tell my friend Mike, "I love you" before hanging up the phone? You might wonder why I would tell another man I love him. Well, I do love him. He has been my friend for more than 10 years, and I tell him I love him often. This is what I mean about thinking of your relationships in their own light. Dave knows I love Mike. I loved Dave before we were married, but more like I love Mike, without the intimately physical relationship we share now that we are married.

So start thinking about how you pigeonhole relationships. Are they all black and white, or are there many shades of gray? This will be a fun month, I can tell already!